Wednesday, September 8, 2021

Changes

My DH passed on August 20th. He had cancer which was diagnosed  late July and it had spread to so many organs. He had been unwell for a long time and then there was nothing that could be done.

Sid said he was not afraid to die. He accepted his path. He said death was transfiguration. There was time for us to say goodbye and hug and hold hands and say how much we loved each other on every visit. There was time to know this was our goodbyes.




Each of his brothers and their wives and his sister came to to the coast to visit him while he was able to talk and they all were able to say their goodbyes, each on a different day as did my sister and her husband. 

Close friends were able to say goodbye or write or phoned and I told him who sent their love. I talked to other family to let them know.

So many words unsaid, so many plans did not happen. He was in hospice and was not in pain, was sedated and then was gone. The nurses were very kind. The doctor who phoned immediately after he died was kind. The funeral chapel was kind and had they provided lists written out clearly that needed to be followed.  Family and friends have been supportive.

I don't think we are ready for losing our beloved life partner and the changes and work that must be done after. 


I am fortunate that my son and his son, my dear grandson live with me and I have them for support as I support them. DGS started collage this week. DS will be starting a work at home job later this month. I am the executor for my DH and took care of the immediate necessary work before the end of August. There are many jobs I must do to complete the executor's duties. I have time to grieve and think and write down each task I must do.

I have found that the brain knows what I should be doing next but the emotions often do not cooperate. Tears turn into sobs and my chest heaves. I notice that I do this when I am alone and not when I am with the boys. Grateful for that.

A dear friend wrote a history of Sid's life history as a teacher and I will share it in another post.

Hugs my Friends.

Joy


15 comments:

  1. 'Sending you a big hug during this time of grief. -Marci @ Stone Cottage Adventures

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  2. Oh Joy, I am so very sorry to hear this. I'm sending you big hugs during this most difficult time. I'm glad you have the boys around to help you and distract you, even if it's just for a few moments each day.

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  3. Dearest Joy, I am so, so sorry for you loss. Your husband sounds like such an amazing man and I know he will b missed by many. Please know I am keeping you close to my heart and sending you love.

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  4. Joy,
    I am so sorry to her of your husband's passing. So glad to hear that you live with your son and grand son who will help see you through this and they will also help you....Sending prayers and Hugs!!
    Deb

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  5. So very, very sorry to hear that Joy. Was nice that there was time for everyone to say their goodbyes...but one is never fully prepared. I'm glad you have people around you. *love and hugs*

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  6. Sincere condolences to you and your family. I heard a physician say that the only good thing about the diagnosis of cancer is that there is usually time to say goodbyes and "get affairs in order". Both my mother and a very dear friend left me due to cancer. My heart goes out to you.

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  7. Dear Joy, my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your DH. Sid will be missed by all those he touched with his kindness and compassion.

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  8. You have my deepest sympathy, Joy, upon your loss. It sounds like you are handling things as best as can be. Tears are therapy. My thoughts & prayers are with you as you go forward. ~Andrea xoxoxo

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  9. God bless you and comfort you as only he can do at this most painful time.God was gracious in the goodbyes adn kindnesses of those around you. Love and prayers from Texas, my dear Joy.....not just for today but every day. I pray for the widows in my circle of friendships and it grieves me to add your name to that list but it's an honor as well. My turn will come in all most probably....Love you, Joy.....and thank you for telling all of us....

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  10. Sending hugs and deepest sympathies. Emotions are normal even among all there is to do. Give yourself breaks and patience. Your DH Sid is watching you from above now Many prayers Joy oxox

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  11. Oh damn, I wish I could come hug you. Cancer sucks, all you went thru before and now this. I am so so sorry, my condolences to you and your family

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  12. Joy, I am so very sorry for your loss of you life partner, your soulmate, your best friend, your love. Your life has changed but not the love you two shared. Wishing you hope and strength in the days ahead. One of my sister's husband (of 53 yrs) died in June. Your words of the brain knows but the emotions often do not cooperate are ones very strong. I hope I can be a help to my sister as your family continues to help you through this emotional storm. XO

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  13. I cannot tell you how sorry I am to read this, Joy. I can feel your pain through your words. Having just passed the birthday of my late son, I know at least a little of your sorrow--but a lifemate is such a hard, deep loss. Sending much love and hugs, my friend. We soldier on, somehow.

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  14. Joy, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of Mr. DH; I just popped on the blog today after being recently ill and missed the news. Please do accept my deepest sympathy and condolences. Prayers to you and your family.

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Thanks for visiting. I read and appreciate all your comments. Joy

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