I love blogging about DIY's, gardening, sewing, vignettes, thrifting, computers, family occasions, whatever seems to be reasonable and non invasive of family privacy topics for posting. I love joining in with Linky Parties. I love reading blogs and commenting. I have found many good online blogging friends.
As many of you do when writing your posts I see my posts as a journal of a moment in time for myself.
2013 was life changing for me.
In January 2013 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Two operations, chemotherapy and radiation followed. A year ago October my hair was starting to return, it was a 1/4 inch long. I wore a scarf (from May to November) and when I no longer needed them I returned all the scarves to the Cancer Clinic (washed/pressed) grateful for their loan and very grateful to no longer need them. Being bald felt quite different from having hair. I was very sensitive to breezes, sun and cold. When I finally had hair that could move in the breezes I was thrilled.
October 27, 2013, first day without a scarf in public, Fort Langley Fraser River Park. First day of feeling brave.
September 5, 2013 I was finished with chemo (last one July 15) and radiation (finished Sept. 5). Over the next months energy returned slowly with a few set backs. Right arm was numb from elbow up, sort of like a frozen jaw before a filling. I concentrated on eating nutritionally, putting my life back together in a different way, working on reclaiming myself. I haven't returned to taking my long walks, lack of confidence in making it back home. I'm ok when I have a walking buddy but that is seldom.
This October 2014 my hair is around 6 inches long, somewhat wispy, curly at first and then reverting to my normal straight. I clip it back and have a mini curly ponytail. I know I need a hair cut but feel very reluctant to based on memories of having no hair.
Selfie September 25/14
Most of the feeling has returned to my right arm. I have had several mammograms over the past year+ and a few ultrasounds for double checking (that causes some scary stress especially the first time when one has no idea why or what for). Medication continues (4 years to go) with weight gain one of the many not so pleasant side effects.
I do somewhat obsess about hair but that is just the way it was for me. I became jealous of people with hair, eyebrows, eyelashes for many many months, not rational I know but that is how I felt. Perhaps it was something to focus on rather than obsessing about chemotherapy and radiation treatments (yes I did obsess about them) but once I knew what was happening and how my body reacted I switched my efforts to eating, drinking enough water, keeping the body system working, getting up and around and regaining independence.
2013 was a year of being self centred, self focused. I put supports in place in advance of chemo to cover my mall work, my yard and house work and caring for my DGS. I did what I could and carried on. I kept my health problems very private from most of my family and friends (likely not the best idea).
I have reclaimed some of my past activities and I have noticed that I have drawn back from many of my old responsibilities since my diagnosis. I had to learn to say no. I had to learn to stop and rest. I was always the boss, fixer, do'er, caregiver. I now conserve my energy for what I must do and celebrate what I can do.
Prayers for John and Judy as John continues his battle with his caner. Prayers for Ken's family as they learn to continue on without him.